Picking yourself back up when you didn't get the job

"I didn't get the job offer" said Maddie as she broke down at the other end of the line. I could feel her pain. I knew how hard she had worked to make the final round of interviews at a venerable Forbes 500 company. It had been months of agony and preparation. She had interviewed with 20 or so individuals at the company and was almost certain the job would be offered to her.
But today was not her day.
How do you move on when you feel so dejected? How do you not take it personal when you, your experience and everything you are on paper just got rejected? How do you muster the confidence to keep applying to jobs, when you've essentially just been told "You are not good enough?"
Have  a glass of wine. Maybe then have another one.
If vino is not your thing, then go for a run or a hike- find some solitude or maybe a good shoulder to cry on. Then do just that- Let the tears roll and have a meltdown- cry it all out. Curse the entire interviewing crew if you need to- they obviously weren't that competent anyway.
But the next day, when you wake up- hit autopilot. Do the graceful thing- send a thank you note, be polite and ask them to keep you in mind if anything changes.
You might feel like you still need to cry... but don't waste your time with that- get over it. I understand how crummy you feel about the whole situation- but right now don't think about it- we just need to buy time. We need for you to put space between your upset self today, and the new you in a week or two. The one that will have moved on to another potential opportunity, the one who is now realizing that everything happens for a reason.
We need to buy time between you now, and the you two years down the road who will have the complete perspective on why things worked out the way they did.
So for right now, hit autopilot. Everything will eventually reveal itself and you will understand why things worked out the way they have. And maybe, just like Maddie did, you will find yourself in your cushy office at a Forbes 100 company a year later, smiling and silently thanking that interviewing team for not hiring you. 

I hate my job, but there's nothing else out there.

“I’m in a rut. I hate my job. I’m underpaid and I’ve applied to everything that comes up, but I don’t even get to the first round of interviews. I obviously can’t leave… I can’t afford to not have an income. I feel doomed.”

This is one of the most common dilemmas I hear from my clients. They become distressed due to the lack of opportunities coming up in the job market, and they become embittered due to the dire outlook with their current employer. They feel underpaid, underappreciated and unable to get ahead.

What to do when you find yourself stuck in this rut? There’s a clear imbalance of power and you do not have the upper hand. Briefly stated, you need to flip that situation over, so that you have control over the situation and the freedom to choose your outcome. It will certainly take work, but it is much easier than you think.

First step: Remove all emotions from the situation you are in. Think of this as a long, drawn out game of chess. It probably took you years to get stuck in your rut, so get comfy- it’ll take at least a few months to turn this game around in your favor. If you continue to emotionally invest as much as you have thus far in a toxic environment, you will be too drawn out to see this through completion. Believe me it’s worth it… you know you’ve dreamed about that day when you are FREE to either decide to stay for more money, or leave for a better offer.

Take up yoga, meditation or anything that helps you tone down the anxiety generated by your current predicament without turning you into a completely “disengaged” employee. Don’t give them a reason to let you go. In fact, up your game and make yourself indispensable.

Step two: Make yourself indispensable. Take on the extra projects, spearhead new initiatives. They need to know you are loyal and trustworthy- become a fundamental cog in the proverbial “machine.”

Step three: Know what you want. What do you do best? What do you want to do? Now, common advice dictates that you should follow your passion and figure out a way to make your dream job happen. That’s true to a certain extent, but in the interest of time and removing you as soon as possible from a toxic situation, let’s stick to what is it that you do best and what you could get paid for doing.

Step four: Change the rules of the game. Why keep waiting for jobs to be posted? Polish up your resume and reach out to companies all over the country expressing your interest in a role with them. Make a list of thirty to forty companies. Don’t make your contact email too colloquial or too formal- start building trust with this new potential employer and make sure to show genuine interest in each one of these institutions. It may sound like a lot of work, but in the grand scheme of things, sending out forty emails is really not that hard. Most of us send way more than forty emails on an average day!

I know you are thinking “but I don’t want to leave this town.” And to this I say: Don’t put the cart ahead of the horse. We are building your bargaining power for when you go to your current employer. It doesn’t mean you have to leave, but you need to have opportunities to choose from if you want any say in the conversation. Walking away from your current job needs to be perceived as a very real threat by your employer if you are to be taken seriously in your current predicament.

Step five: The waiting game. You quietly wait for responses to your queries. Follow up as necessary. Continue to be indispensable at work. Hopefully you only have to go through one round of step four, but if you are not seeing results, it’s likely that either your resume or contact email are not conveying your message correctly. Have you selected a wide enough sample of employers?

Once you start receiving responses and offers, THEN you start crafting your negotiation.

How to craft your negotiation? Well, that’s another lengthy one. It’ll have to wait until another blog installment.

In the meantime, if you have questions or comments, feel free to email me: olivia@salarycoaching.com.

To be welcoming. To be unafraid. To be a great leader.

For the first time in 29 years, a woman has been chosen as Time Magazine's "Person of the Year." This leaves most of us wondering, why such a long wait?
TIME's Radhika Jones answers: "As I wrote a few years ago, the label of Person of the Year tends to favor people with institutional power. The choice reflects TIME’s view of who affected the news and our lives, for good or for ill. Since 1986 there’ve been four U.S. Presidents in the mix—three of them two-termers, all of them men. Plus a handful of leaders of the Soviet Union (and Russia), also all men. The Pope keeps being a man. And it’s a lot easier to make news from an address like the White House, the Kremlin or the Vatican."
In a world where great leadership is generally associated with masculine "words" such as strong, powerful, assertive, competitive, and direct, it is great to see that a woman can rise to meet all of these expectations. The notion of what makes a great leader is finally changing, and as a society, we are embracing the value of more feminine traits in the role of leadership- words such as compassion and kindness, inevitably come to mind when reading Time Magazine's award to Merkel rationale:
"To be welcoming. To be unafraid. To believe that great civilizations build bridges, not walls, and that wars are won both on and off the battlefield. By viewing the refugees as victims to be rescued rather than invaders to be repelled, the woman raised behind the Iron Curtain gambled on freedom. The pastor’s daughter wielded mercy like a weapon. You can agree with her or not, but she is not taking the easy road. Leaders are tested only when people don’t want to follow. For asking more of her country than most politicians would dare, for standing firm against tyranny as well as expedience and for providing steadfast moral leadership in a world where it is in short supply, Angela Merkel is TIME’s Person of the Year."
Hats off to Merkel. And to everyone who understands the value of the feminine perspective in leadership.

Ladies and Raises: Why would anyone give you what you are not asking for?

You've been in your role for the better part of a decade and you've NEVER asked for a raise. You've also never received anything but an annual increase that barely keeps you in line with the cost of living. From your perspective (and likely that of outsiders as well...), you are clearly overdue for a review. Equally qualified peers are leap-frogging over you in terms of career advancement, and you really have no clue why or how it's happening. 
While employers generally do their best to stay atop of the change in your "compensable factors," I can tell you with certainty, that if you don't stay on top of your career advancement, no one will. After all, why would anyone give you what you are not asking for?
You've always been great at advocating for others-
Family: Kids need to make it to soccer practice? Dinner needs to be cooked? Grocery run? Your family and friends know they can always count on you. You don't think twice about having to call your office and tell them you are staying home with a sick child.
Work: Your a reliable team contributor and the high quality of your work speaks for itself. Need to pull late nights at the office? Work on weekends to make the deadline? You can be counted on to deliver.
Sadly, when it comes to advocating for ourselves and our salaries, we tend to fall short. We work hard and remain loyal, hoping that one day we will get the recognition we deserve... but we don't realize that the system is not designed to be as giving as we are.
I don't believe that there is a one-method-fit-all model to get you what you are not asking for- all industries are different, and all employers have a different culture, and everyone's relationship with their company is different. What I do know, is that if you don't know what you are worth, and you don't know how to ask for it, you are not going to get it.
Because not everyone can afford my services, I'm compiling a free road map to help women:
a) figure out what they are worth (quantitatively)
b) how to develop a unique strategy to negotiate for it
If there are any questions or anecdotes that you think are worth including, email me:
olivia@salarycoaching.com

You haven't saved enough for retirement. Now what?

It's a beautiful day out, you are at your work desk staring out the window, daydreaming about the day you no longer have to schlep in to work at 8am, and work the whole day. There are so many other things you would rather be doing. There are so many other things you should be doing. Yet based on the latest dollar figures on your retirement account, you will be chained to your desk for the rest of your life.
The sad reality is that on average, of those saving for retirement, American women between the ages of 55 and 64 have saved  69% of what their male counterparts have. This reality check becomes even more dreary when considering that today's average 65 year old woman is expected to live until she is 88.8 years old.
So you are optimistically headed to become statistical average... but realistically you're likely to end up somewhere below it. How do we stop this train wreck from happening!?

Step 1: Establish where do you stand vis-a-vis retirement right now:

a) How much do you need to retire?
b) How much do you have in your 401(k), IRA, Roth IRA, or retirement account?
c) What will you get through Social Security?

Step 2: Now that you've established how much of a shortfall you've got, lets look at how to work with what you have.  This is where you re-think your current debt and how to "bleed" less money:

a) What kind of debt do you have and how can you finish paying it? If you have any student loans left,  you probably know you have no way out but to pay them off. If you have a car loan- could you trade your car in for something equally reliable that is less expensive (and that you can hopefully payoff without incurring more debt)?
b) Housing: Can you downsize your house? Can you move to a less expensive neighborhood? This may sound drastic now, but think about the quality of life you want to lead in retirement.
c) Cut your living expenses: If you need ideas, check out Mr. Money Mustache. This guy has some very good (and some very extreme) ideas on how to cut costs and save. You can get a lot of inspiration from his website. Commuting, groceries and entertainment are just some of the areas where you can save. Budgeting is crucial- I love this website.
d) Can you negotiate a raise?  Are you underpaid and is there something that can be done about it? We can help you with this at www.salarycoaching.com.

Step 3: Re-think retirement. Your career... Act Two!

a) With life expectancy continually increasing, not many women of retirement age are actually ready to fully stop working and lounge around for another two decades. About half of individuals nearing retirement are choosing to get creative and start their own business- from baking cookies, to teaching yoga, dog-training or part-time custodial work. Either to pursue their passion, or due to financial necessity, people into their 40's are getting entrepreneurial, and even becoming millionaires.
b) Brainstorm: Engage with your peers on what you should do next.  Sites such as Vibrant Nation or Encore.org are great sources to help you brainstorm and bounce off and explore ideas.
c) Read up on it. Nancy Collamer is a well known writer in the realm of second-act or semi-retirement careers. While I have not read it yet, the reviews for her late book are quite good: Second Act Careers: 50+ Ways to Profit From Your Passions During Semi-Retirement.

While it might be a little late to make up for those unsaved dollars in your retirement account, it's not too late to think about your next steps. What would your second career look like?

Even Stars Feel the Gender Income Gap

Though I'm not one to often read tabloids, when a friend tagged me this morning on Jennifer Lawrence's "Why Do I Make Less Than My Male Costars?", my heart gave a little leap for joy. Finally! An Oscar-winning actress, a woman at "untouchable" levels is speaking about gender gap inequality. Most women have problems negotiating their salaries. The jaw dropping 78 cents for every dollar earned by men statistic includes all of us. Negotiating doesn't come naturally to women, nor is it perceived as normal behavior. As Jennifer points out, she feared that she would have been perceived as "difficult" or "spoiled" by asking for more. The sad reality is that it's not as socially acceptable to see women play hard ball. Men on the other hand are perceived as tough and "commended for being fierce and tactical."

Ladies- it couldn't be more clear- failing to negotiate is a problem that follows us from our first interview after college, through the dusk of our careers, and has repercussions all the way into retirement. Think of the cumulative impact of not negotiating your first salary will have on your retirement...

You don't have to come across as a unlikeable, difficult or spoiled to negotiate your salary. It takes you knowing your worth and knowing how to ask for it.

I know in this letter, Jennifer thinks she's the only one having this issue. But little does she know that she is echoing the same issue working women all over the world are dealing with -and not talking about-. Thank you Jennifer for sharing this issue!

The dreaded question "How much did you earn in your last job?"

You've made the interview cut. You've rehearsed multiple versions of how you are going to answer the inevitable "walk me through your resume" or "tell me about a that gap in your resume."

You ate a healthy meal the night before, skipped the glass of wine, and you even went to bed early. You've dressed to impress, you've stocked your hand bag with breath mints, spare pantyhose in case the ones you are wearing tear with your nicely manicured nails. Copies of your cover letter and resume can be found in large supply in your handbag/faux leather document holder.

The interview is going well, you're nailing all the questions and really hitting the target with all your responses. And just when you can start envisioning your career taking off at this new company, they ask that question that you were not prepared to answer:

"HOW MUCH DO/DID YOU MAKE AT YOUR CURRENT/LAST JOB?"

Your heart sinks.

You don't/didn't make enough. Not at all. Actually, it's probably a number you are quite embarrassed to share because it's well below what most people likely make in that job.

How do you answer this question without lying (making up a number) and without losing all chance of getting the job? The interviewer will likely press you on this question. This is a sure way to measure you up relative to the position. If you earn/ed much less than what they intend to pay, they'll likely question if you are indeed a good fit for the job. If you earn/ed more, then you've priced yourself out of the job because the assumption is that even if they offered you the job, you would likely not stay in the position for long.

Here are a few ways of going about it:

First thing you need to make sure- KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORTH RELATIVE TO THE JOB. Be prepared with information to  negotiate (www.salarycoachingforwomen.com). Fully understand how you measure up to the position in question.

Then, go on to answer the question.

a) The Blunt Way: "That is highly personal and would rather not share that information at this time."

While you are completely entitled to this response, this is probably not a great idea. You've antagonized the interviewer, leaving them with the sour impression that they have transgressed into your personal space.

b) Positively Deflect, Deflect, Deflect: I offer a few ideas here, because if you deflect, the hiring manager/recruiter will likely circle back to their question a few times. You need to be prepared with a few seamless responses that will easily roll off your tongue as the pressure ratchets up each time the question circles back.

Have a few of these ready to pull out:

Round #1- If it's relatively early in the conversation, say that you would like to learn a little bit more about the position before discussing the salary topic.

Round #2- Having done your research, say something along the lines of "I know that this type of position pays between $Y and $Z, what is your range for the position?"

Round #3- If you are aware of their salary range, go for the jugular: "While I have some flexibility, based on my experience, I would expect to be at the X percentile of your range (base it on the low, mid or high part of their range, including a buffer zone around the number you are are aiming for- you need to have a solid, market based number... www.salarycoachingforwomen.com can help you)." For this last one, you need to have done your homework and be prepared to explain it. While they can always argue that your number might not "jive" with their internal equity concerns, a well done market analysis is irrefutable. If indeed they pay below the market rate, the question becomes, do you really want that job?

c) The Nuclear Option: If you think it can't harm you, then go ahead and share it. I'm not a fan of this option, even if the interviewer has the best of intentions, I view this number as a yardstick that will be used to measure you relative to the position. Your resume and the way you carry the interview should be used to judge your competence, not a dollar figure.

The idea is to get the interviewer to share the salary range before you are asked about what you earn/ed. If you can, try very your best to shift the conversation from what you currently earn, to what they are willing to pay for the position.

Thoughts and creative ideas on how to answer this dreaded question? I'd love your feedback!